Job Offer, a Time to Contemplate

I love running early in the morning. There's no better time to think, investigate the sufferfest meter, have a look around at nature's wonder. On this morning snow squalls coloured the sky, back lit by the alpenglow orange of pre-dawn sun. The frosted mountains on the skyline were partially obscured by low clouds and the squalls themselves. It's one of my favorite mountain scenes. It makes me feel like I'm at altitude, climbing some peak in Pakistan or Nepal. It's a feeling I understand well, because I've been there and lived it.

The absence of a snow cover on the mountain still allows for running to the top. So, I'm good for a few more training runs before snowpack demands I trade my mountain runs for skinning to the top and skiing back down. It's colllld today, though. And, I couldn't find my running gloves. So in the dark I fumbled around my sock drawer and grabbed a pair of socks...a reminder of the old days when Jeff and I never bothered to buy gloves for running.

I had plenty to think about. Just yesterday I was offered a job with a video production facility in southern New Hampshire. This run was a good time to think it over. While I know damn well I'd never take the job, I respectfully accepted a few days to mull it over. The best thing about the job offer is that I'd get put on a health plan. It's been a year since my plan ran out. (Yah, yah, I've heard the no-health-plan commentary...) The downside of the job, and the decisive factor, is that the pay wouldn't come close to what I need. He offered me $50,000. Plus, we'd have to move the farm to southern New Hampshire. I couldn't imagine pulling the kids twice in two years like that.

Between wondering if all those checks we sent out the other day are going to bounce and me keeping focused on how bright the future looks, I decided I really would try to imagine working for this company. It's tempting, I have to admit. Things are very tight right now...day to day at times. It's been a lean year, with the suicide of my brother incapacitating me for a couple months. But, I've got some irons in the fire. Plus, my qualifications are so high that I could run that place. I've worked for myself for years and that's worked well. I've also made in excess of his asking price for the last ten years. A cut in pay? It would be a big step down. I'd never last there. I'd feel cheated if I stooped down like that.

Just before I left the meeting, the owner said to me to understand that he doesn't want me to accept the job and then leave in a year. He intimated that I'd need to keep all those Everest-like aspirations in check...three months to climb a slag heap wouldn't work for him. Understandably so. It wouldn't be fair to him, to me, to my family, nobody. I know in my heart that even if he offered me $80,000 (what it'd take for me to contemplate it) I'd be giving up all that I'd sacrificed for over the last decade. It's not gonna happen, my friend. Thing is, he's a great guy. Very talented. I totally respect what he's built there and ten years ago would've killed to work in an outfit like that. I just don't picture myself a part of his plan at this stage in my life.

Hitting the summit during my run felt wonderful. But, as usual, I didn't become enlightened. As climbers, we kid ourselves into thinking that reaching the summit of K2 or Everest will bring us total enlightenment, nirvana. Only, we get there and instead look off to the next mountain and wonder if enlightenment can be found on that summit, over there.

I studied a plume blowing off the summit of Mt. Washington, a dozen miles to the north. A mini Everest right here near my home. The ski lifts beside me were silent, not a lick of snow on the landing ramps. I had this mountain to myself. In a few weeks, though, the mountain will be covered by snow, lifts already operating for early morning trail checks by ski patrol.

When that happens, the mountain won't be completely mine again until spring, when I'll be back to kick its ass and take another run at enlightenment.