brainstorm

write as fast as you can and say what you will it just keeps filling your mind. there are no voids unfortunately and that's what vipassana meditation tries to do, to empty your mind, to find a natural state wherein we can hear just who we are. most people don't want to hear just who we are because it's too painful, too full of unwelcome misgivings and difficulties and pain. but, life brings good things in plain wrappings, bad things happen to us and good things develop. you never know what is in store for you but if you look at life as an opportunity to do something meaningful with what could be just one shot at life, then don't waste a minute.

my dogs are sweet, they look to me for everything. my two boys are four and eight and i yelled at them last night because they were screwing around while i was on the phone. for some reason it just set me off and they both cried. but about thirty minutes later we were cranking the stereo and i was filming them dance around the living room to Led Zeppelin. funny that i would hit shift to capitalize the name of the band but not the word "i" well it goes to show you that maybe somehow i've managed to step outside of the power of ego.

well ego or not i put on this shirt today over a red sox manny ramirez t-shrt and it has a faint odor of a shirt that was worn once and then left to hang in the closet for a long time, then when you wear it the faint odor is right under your nose. no one would even smell, i even asked my wife to see if she knew what i was talking about. well, just took the thing off and tossed it over a chair. so i'm sporting red and the number 24 with a pair of jeans.

get a goddamn life and make something of it. i keep thinking the people that i loved most in life that are gone now would give me the lottery numbers in a dream but they never seem to come. so, i'm thinking that one of my big lessons in this lifetime is to be self reliant, not to get an easy ride off winning the lottery...and besides i can never remember to buy a ticket anyway, and when i do it's quick pick! so, if i just let go of the ties i have to trying to make it through each month then maybe things will come easier.

that said, i got an email from a client today who says the video is possibly on hold or put on the shelf. can you believe it? that would make three videos in the last quarter that went away...three videos that could've been my income for about six months and they are gone gone gone.

holy shit time to start sending vibes to my dad and brother up there in heaven to see if they can impart their infinite wisdom of the netherworld to pop into my head the winning megabucks numbers for tonight...even if i have to share the couple million, a hundred 'grr' would do the trick.

well, that's my brainstorm for now. better get to the work that hasn't been shelved yet.

when you log into blogger and see the 'blogs updated at...' section it's impossible to see this one pop up there...people must have to update every minute to get a listing. tell you what though i just saw a blog listed as 'undress britney' and that opened my eyes. dharma bum what? fuck that dude undress britney trumps your sorry assed excuse for a blog. i'll have to do a search to see if that blog has any content worth seeing.

oh last thing, i couldn't sit with having that incredibly descriptive post about my brother's last day be sitting up there on top. so, thus this post. my wife says not to think too hard about the last moments of his last day. it's not who he was.

he was so much more, so very much more than that last impulsive act.